Maybe You Don’t Want Attention. Maybe You Want Your Life to Matter

For several weeks, I noticed something interesting in myself. I am usually very open to change, but when it comes to certain aspects of technology, I am the opposite. I need it to work. And when it doesn’t, I panic more than I would like to admit.

My Wi-Fi became the perfect example. It would work, slow down, then become unreliable again. I kept checking the speed, restarting devices, trying different fixes, searching for solutions late into the night. There was a low-level anxiety underneath it all, especially when I thought about coaching calls, recordings, podcasts, and the ways my work depends on being connected.

Eventually, I realized I was reacting as if something essential was at risk. And in a way, it felt like it was.

The solution, when it finally came, was surprisingly simple. My router needed a factory reset.

Not another adjustment. Not another workaround. A reset.

And in that moment, I could not miss what life was reflecting back to me.

Maybe I needed one too.

Not because my life was wrong, but because I had become so focused on making everything work that I had lost touch with why I was doing it in the first place.

When the Desire Becomes the Destination

Recently, I reread a few journal entries from much earlier in my spiritual journey (something I like to do every once in a while). They brought me back to something I once knew with a simplicity I had almost forgotten.

I am here to connect and bring forth Divine wisdom to help make the world a better place. To awaken, empower and inspire others by sharing my love and wisdom.

That was it. No followers. No algorithms. No audience size. That knowing came from somewhere deeper than strategy. It simply felt true.

Over time, I wanted more people to experience the work. More followers so people could find it. I wanted the website to grow, more coaching clients, larger audiences, wider reach.

None of those desires were wrong. They came from something sincere. I wanted to help more people.

But something subtle happens when we live with a desire long enough. What began as a way of expressing something deeper slowly becomes the destination. We stop asking why we wanted it. We simply keep chasing it.

What Do You Really Want?

Think about something you strongly desire right now. Money. A relationship. Recognition. Security. Success. Freedom. A larger audience.

Whatever it is, do not judge it. Desire is not the problem.

Ask yourself: Why do I want this?

When the answer comes, ask again: Why do I want that?

If you want money because you want freedom, why do you want freedom? If you want recognition because you want your work to be seen, why does being seen matter?

Keep going. The first answer is often practical. The next may be emotional. Then something more vulnerable begins to appear: I want to feel safe. I want to feel loved. I want to feel free. I want to belong. I want to know that what I gave mattered.

I want to know that my life mattered.

And suddenly the original desire looks very different.

The Desire Beneath the Desire

I once had a conversation with someone about fame and fortune that stayed with me. He said he was not particularly interested in fame itself. What he wanted was making a difference in people’s lives.

That distinction opened something in me.

There is a difference between wanting attention and wanting what you have brought into the world to matter.

Perhaps many of the things we think we want are translations of something deeper. I want followers may mean I want connection. I want recognition may mean I want what I contribute to matter. I want money may mean I want freedom or possibility.

And I want success may be covering something quieter and more vulnerable: I want to know that having been here meant something.

What if this is what we have been longing for all along?

The World Gives Us a Scoreboard

We live in a world that measures almost everything. Followers, likes, views, income, titles, subscribers, awards, achievements.

Measurements can be useful. The trouble begins when we ask numbers to tell us what our life means.

Does a teacher with a million followers necessarily fulfil a greater purpose than someone who quietly changes one person’s life? Does being widely known mean we have lived more meaningfully?

Of course not.

Perhaps we are asking success or recognition to give us something they were never designed to provide: proof that we matter.

Some of the Most Important Things Cannot Be Measured

Sometimes I see the impact of sharing Shaltazar’s teachings directly. Someone tells me a message helped them through grief. A coaching client makes a meaningful shift. Someone hears exactly what they needed.

But there is also so much I will never know.

The person who reads quietly and never comments. The sentence that resurfaces years later. The idea that changes how someone speaks to their child or treats themselves. The ripple that passes from one person to another until no one can trace where it began.

Some of the most meaningful effects of our lives will always remain invisible. Requiring visible proof that our life matters becomes a trap.

Your Responsibility May End Earlier Than You Think

My responsibility is to bring forth what I feel called to bring forth. To listen. To connect. To share. To stay honest, authentic and present.

But what happens after that is not fully mine.

I can share a message, but I cannot decide how it is received. I can offer love, but I cannot control what someone does with it. I can plant seeds, but I cannot demand to see every flower.

Instead of asking, Is this working? I can ask, Is this true? Instead of asking, Are enough people noticing? I can ask, Am I offering what feels mine to offer? Instead of asking, Am I succeeding? I can ask, Am I aligned?

We do not need to disappear to be humble. We simply need to stop asking visibility to prove our worth.

Maybe We Need a Reset

Which brings me back to the router.

After weeks of adjusting, the solution was a return to the original settings. Not to erase what had been learned, but to clear away the noise around something that had once been simple.

Maybe we need moments like that too.

Before the algorithms. Before the comparison. Before the pressure to grow. Before measuring whether we are doing enough, reaching enough, becoming enough.

What mattered to you then? What moved you? What did you want to give? What did your Soul know before your mind started keeping score?

At this point in my life, I do not want to spend whatever time remains chasing measurements that cannot tell me whether I have lived what I came here to live. I want to return to the original connection. To listen. To share. To love. To bring forth whatever still wants to move through me.

And then to release the outcome.

When This Incarnation Is Complete

Perhaps this is the question beneath all the others.

Not: How successful was I? Not: How much did I accumulate? Not: How many people knew my name? Not even: How much did I accomplish?

But this:

When this incarnation is complete, what would allow me to feel that having been here mattered?

Sit with that for a moment.

The answer may have little to do with what you have been chasing. It may have more to do with how you loved, what you created, who you became, the courage you showed, the truth you spoke, the people you helped, and the beauty you allowed to move through you.

Perhaps the deepest desire is not to be noticed at all. Perhaps it is to participate fully in the life we were given.

To listen. To show up. To love. To offer what is ours to offer without needing to know how far the ripple will travel.

And perhaps that leaves us with a much simpler question than all the ones we have been asking:

What is asking to move through me because I am here?

Maybe that is enough.

Not that everything succeeded. Not that everyone noticed. But that when this brief and extraordinary incarnation was ours to live, we were willing to be here — and to show up fully for it.

Activate the Wisdom

Choose one desire that has been taking up space in your life. Do not fix it or judge it. Become curious about it.

Ask yourself: Why do I want this? Take the answer and ask again. Keep moving beneath each layer until the answers begin shifting away from achievement and toward something more essential: connection, love, freedom, safety, meaning, purpose, belonging.

Then ask: What am I truly hoping this desire will allow me to feel? Am I asking something outside of me to prove that my life matters?

Finally, sit with this question without rushing to answer it: When this incarnation is complete, what do I hope moved through me because I was here?

Let it land slowly. This may not be a question for the mind alone. It may be something your Soul already knows.

August 18, 2026